Join us every second Tuesday of the month as we create a safe space for honest conversations, healing, testimony, and transformation.

On August 11, 2026, at 8:00 p.m., we had the honor and privilege of having a candid conversation with Kristian Harris.

This conversation was honest, emotional, and deeply necessary. It touched on childhood trauma, growing up with an alcoholic parent, poverty, control, anxiety, unhealthy relationships, domestic abuse, therapy, mental health, and what it means to finally say, “At some point in time, you have to choose you.”

That statement alone carries weight.

Because choosing yourself does not always come easy when you have spent your life surviving, helping everybody else, stuffing your feelings, staying in control, and trying to keep moving without unpacking what hurt you.

Sometimes healing begins when you finally admit, “I cannot keep carrying this the same way.”

When Unpacking Feels Too Heavy

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was when Kristian talked about unpacking.

She shared that unpacking means having to deal with the consequences of the present.

That is deep.

Because sometimes people tell you to heal like it is simple. They tell you to talk about it, pray about it, let it go, move forward, and be free. But they do not always understand that when you open up what has been packed away, you have to feel what you survived.

You have to face what you avoided.

You have to look at the places you tucked away just so you could keep functioning.

And that can be scary.

Sometimes we do not avoid healing because we do not want to be free. Sometimes we avoid healing because we know once we start opening those boxes, we have to deal with what comes out.

But the truth is this: what stays packed away still has weight.

Even when you do not talk about it, it is still affecting you.

Even when you keep moving, it is still shaping you.

Although you declare you are fine, emotions and relationships may still bear what your mouth has not spoken.

Growing Up Around Addiction

Kristian shared about being the child of an alcoholic parent and growing up in poverty. She talked about how, no matter how hard parents may try, there can still be consequences that children carry when a parent is battling addiction, mental health struggles, or unhealed pain.

That is not always easy to say out loud.

Because we can love our parents and still tell the truth about what affected us.

We can honor the good memories and still acknowledge the painful ones.

We can say, “They showed up,” and also say, “There were things I still had to survive.”

Healing does not require us to erase the good in order to validate the pain. Both can be true.

We experienced good moments.

There were hard moments.

There were things that shaped her, things that hurt her, and things she is still learning how to unpack.

And that is why conversations like this matter.

They give people permission to stop pretending childhood did not affect adulthood.

When Chaos Feels Normal

Kristian said something that stood out: she thrives in chaos.

She explained that silence is hard because it makes her think. It makes her feel like there is something she needs to be doing. She also shared that she has lived in fight-or-flight mode and struggles when she is not in control.

That is something many people can relate to.

When chaos is what you learned, peace can feel strange.

When you grew up needing to pay attention to everything, silence may not feel peaceful. It may feel unsafe.

When you had to function in unpredictable environments, control can become a comfort zone.

And sometimes what looks like “having everything together” is really a nervous system that never learned how to rest.

Control can be protection.

Overworking can be avoidance.

Procrastination can become familiar because the pressure feels normal.

Always needing to handle everything can be a sign that somewhere along the way, you learned that depending on others was not safe.

But GOD did not create us to live in survival mode forever.

There comes a time when we have to ask, “Am I controlling this because it needs to be controlled, or because I am afraid of being disappointed again?”

When Control Is Really Self-Protection

Kristian explained that people who need to be in control are often protecting themselves from being let down. If they can control the situation, they feel like they can control the outcome and their emotions.

That is powerful.

Because control is not always pride.

Control is sometimes fear.

At times, control asserts it does not want to depend on anybody.

Sometimes control says, “I have to do it myself so I will not be disappointed.”

Sometimes control says, “If I manage everything, I will not have to feel powerless.”

But healing asks us to let GOD touch the place that believes we have to carry everything alone.

Letting go of control does not mean becoming careless. It means allowing ourselves to trust GOD in places where we have only trusted survival.

The Red Flags We Could Not See Then

Kristian also talked about unhealthy relationship patterns.

She shared about being young, wanting attention, wanting to feel safe and seen, and entering relationships where what looked like care was actually control.

Sometimes when you are young, you do not recognize red flags as red flags.

You may think someone driving you everywhere is love.

You may think someone wanting to always know where you are is protection.

You may think someone isolating you from friends and family means they just want to be close to you.

You may think jealousy is passion.

You may think control is concern.

But when a person slowly becomes the center of your whole world, that is not love. That is isolation.

Kristian spoke about mental, physical, and sexual abuse. She talked about gas lighting, manipulation, grooming, and the pain of looking back and realizing that other people saw what she could not see at the time.

That is why we have to talk about these things.

Not to shame anyone.

Not to make anyone feel foolish.

But to help someone recognize what they may be calling love when it is really control.

When You Stuff It and Keep Moving

There were moments in the conversation where Kristian shared that some things were still tucked away. Some feelings were in “the attic.” Some things had not been processed yet.

That kind of honesty is powerful.

Because healing is not always instant.

Sometimes you know what happened, but you do not know how you feel about it yet.

Sometimes you can say the facts, but not the emotions.

Sometimes you can explain the pattern, but still not feel ready to open the door to the pain behind it.

That does not mean you are not healing.

It means you are being honest about where you are.

Sometimes people stuff things away because that was the safest way to survive. They keep moving because stopping would mean feeling. And feeling can feel dangerous when you have spent years trying not to fall apart.

But stuffed pain does not disappear.

It waits.

It shows up in relationships.

It shows up in health.

It shows up in anxiety.

It shows up in control.

It shows up in the need to fix, help, save, and carry everybody else.

And at some point, you have to decide that you deserve to heal too.

Choosing Yourself Is Not Selfish

One of the strongest statements from the conversation was this:

At some point in time, you have to choose you.

For some people, that sounds simple.

But for someone who has been the caregiver, the strong one, the helper, the fixer, the one who keeps going, choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable.

It can feel selfish.

It can feel wrong.

It can feel like you are letting somebody down.

But choosing yourself does not mean abandoning everybody else.

It means you stop abandoning yourself.

It means you stop putting your healing last.

It means you stop ignoring your own pain because somebody else always needs you.

It means you finally admit, “I am tired of being in fight mode all the time.”

You cannot pour from a place that is constantly bleeding.

You cannot keep saving everybody else while refusing to let GOD heal you.

You matter too.

Therapy, Truth, and Doing the Work

Kristian talked honestly about therapy. She shared that she had been in therapy before, but had not always brought everything to the table.

That is real.

Therapy can only go as deep as we are willing to be honest.

Prayer is powerful.

Faith is necessary.

GOD is healer.

And sometimes part of healing includes sitting with someone safe, telling the truth, and letting what has been hidden finally have language.

There is no shame in getting help.

There is no shame in therapy.

There is no shame in saying, “I need someone to help me process what happened.”

Healing often requires honesty, safety, time, and work.

And the right support matters. The right therapist matters. A safe space matters. Connection matters. Compassion matters.

Because trauma cannot be handled casually. People need room to be human, not rushed to be fixed.

Breaking Generational Cycles

Another major part of the conversation was the importance of talking about mental health and breaking generational cycles.

Kristian shared that if we do not bring mental health to the table and keep leaving it untalked about, we cannot continue to break barriers.

That is the truth.

Silence keeps cycles alive.

Secrets keep pain hidden.

Avoidance keeps wounds unhealed.

But when we start telling the truth, when we start naming what happened, when we start seeking help, when we start choosing healing, something begins to shift.

We do not just heal for ourselves.

We heal for the children watching us.

We heal for the families connected to us.

We heal so the next generation does not have to keep carrying what nobody wanted to talk about.

Breaking generational cycles does not happen by pretending.

It happens through truth, surrender, support, repentance where needed, forgiveness where possible, boundaries where necessary, and healing through GOD.

A Gentle Reminder

This conversation was heavy, but it was also full of hope.

Hope that you can unpack what has been sitting in the attic.

Hope that you can choose yourself.

Hope that therapy can help.

Hope that silence does not have to win.

Hope that trauma may have shaped you, but it does not have to own you.

Hope that GOD can heal what still hurts.

Hope that you can break cycles that started before you even knew what they were.

And hope that your story, when told in truth, can help somebody else stop hiding.

Takeaways from the Conversation

Unpacking trauma can feel scary because it brings present consequences to the surface.

Children can carry the weight of addiction, mental health struggles, poverty, and family dysfunction.

Chaos can feel normal when peace was unfamiliar.

Control is often a form of self-protection.

Some red flags look like love when you are young and longing to feel seen.

Stuffing pain may help you survive, but it will not fully heal you.

Therapy works best when honesty is brought into the room.

Choosing yourself is not selfish.

Mental health must be talked about if generational cycles are going to be broken.

GOD can heal the parts of you that have been packed away for years.

Free Resources BELOW!

Journal Prompts to Help You Process

1. What have I packed away because it felt too hard to feel?
2. What does “unpacking” mean for me in this season?
3. Do I struggle with silence? If so, what comes up when things get quiet?
4. Where do I try to control outcomes because I am afraid of being disappointed?
5. What red flags have I ignored because I wanted to feel loved, chosen, or seen?
6. Have I confused control with care in any relationship?
7. What part of me is tired of being in fight-or-flight mode?
8. Where do I need to choose myself without feeling guilty?
9. What would I need to bring honestly into therapy, prayer, or a safe conversation?
10. What generational pattern do I want GOD to help me break?

Scripture and Truth Points

Psalm 34:18
GOD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He does not run from the places that hurt us.

Psalm 147:3
GOD heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He can tend to wounds we have not had language for.

2 Timothy 1:7
GOD has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. Fear does not have to keep leading our decisions.

John 8:32
“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Truth may be painful to face, but it is necessary for freedom.

Galatians 5:1
Stand fast in the liberty where CHRIST has made us free. Freedom is something we must receive, walk in, and protect.

Watch the Replay

If this conversation spoke to you, go back and watch the full replay.

Join the Conversation

What part of Kristian’s story spoke to you the most?

Have you ever had to unpack something you kept hidden for years?

Share your thoughts in the comments. Your honesty may help someone else feel less alone and give them courage to choose healing too.

Gentle Note: If you are in immediate danger, being abused, or having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out for help right away. Call emergency services, contact a trusted person, or call/text 988 if you are in the United States and need immediate mental health crisis support.

Join us on the second Tuesday of every month as we create a safe space for honest conversations, healing, and transformation.

On June 9, 2026, at 8:00 PM, we had the honor and privilege of having a candid conversation with Apostle Robinnette R. Smith about toxic and unhealthy relationships.

This conversation was not just about dating. It was not just about romantic relationships. It was about the roots. It was about the things we experienced as children, the things we accepted as normal, and the patterns we carried into friendships, family connections, dating, and even the way we saw ourselves.

Apostle Robinnette shared with honesty and wisdom that we do not just wake up toxic. We do not just wake up people-pleasing, fearful, broken, or drawn to unhealthy things. Somewhere, something happened. Somewhere, a root was planted.

And if that root is never dealt with, it will keep producing fruit in our lives.

When Dysfunction Becomes Familiar

Apostle shared that she grew up in dysfunction. There was fighting, screaming, yelling, chaos, and trauma in the household. When a child grows up around that, it can begin to shape how they understand love, relationships, communication, and conflict.

Sometimes what we call normal is not normal at all.

It is just familiar.

When you grow up around toxic behavior, you may not recognize it when it shows up later because your spirit has already been introduced to it. You may accept things you would have never accepted if your childhood had shown you something different.

That is why self-reflection is so important.

We have to ask ourselves, “Where did I learn this?”
“Why do I respond this way?”
“Why does chaos feel normal to me?”
“Why do I keep attracting the same spirit in different people?”

Because sometimes the issue is not just who keeps coming into our lives. Sometimes the deeper question is, “What is still unhealed in me that keeps making room for this?”

The Root of People-Pleasing

One of the strongest parts of this conversation was when Apostle talked about people-pleasing.

She shared how bullying played a part in her wanting to be accepted. As a child, she found herself trying to bring things to those who mistreated her just so she could avoid being harmed or rejected.

That kind of fear can follow a person for years.

People-pleasing can look like kindness, loyalty, or being dependable. But underneath it, sometimes it is fear.

Fear of being rejected.
Fear of being left.
Fear of being disliked.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of not being good enough.

And when fear is leading, we will make promises we should have never made. We will overextend ourselves. We will stay connected to people who are draining us. We will call it loyalty when it is really bondage.

Apostle said something powerful through her story: sometimes we promise people things out of fear.

That is worth sitting with.

How many times have we said yes because we were scared to say no?

How many times have we stayed because we feared being alone?

How many times have we tolerated disrespect because we wanted to prove we were a good friend, a good woman, a good person, or a loyal one?

But healthy love does not require us to lose ourselves to keep it.

Trauma Bonding Is Not Real Freedom

Another powerful truth from this conversation was the reminder that people can come together through shared trauma and mistake that connection for something healthy.

Sometimes people are not connected because they are good for each other. Sometimes they are connected because they are wounded in similar ways.

That is trauma bonding.

You understand my pain, so I cling to you.
You have been rejected too, so we form a bond.
You know what abandonment feels like, so we call this loyalty.
You are hurting like I am hurting, so we think we are safe together.

But if neither person is healing, the relationship may only become a place where both wounds feed each other.

Apostle talked about relationships and friendships that were rooted in the same toxic traits. She explained how certain behaviors seemed to “die down” for a season, but they were not truly gone. They were just dormant until she got around the same kind of spirit again.

That was so powerful.

Sometimes we think we are delivered from something simply because we have not been around what activates it.

But when the wrong environment, wrong relationship, wrong friendship, or wrong spirit comes back around, what was not healed can wake back up.

Same Spirit, Different Person

One thing that stood out in this conversation was the pattern of toxic relationships repeating itself.

Different people.
Different situations.
Different seasons.
But the same kind of spirit.

Sometimes we leave one unhealthy relationship only to enter another one that looks different on the outside but carries the same root.

One relationship may be loud and abusive.
Another may start with compliments, attention, and charm.
One may tear you down with words.
Another may lift you up at first, only to later pull you into the same pain.

That is why we cannot just look at how something starts. We have to pay attention to the fruit.

Does this relationship produce peace or confusion?
Does it lead me closer to GOD or further into compromise?
Does it make me healthier or more anxious?
Does it require me to ignore conviction to keep it?

Apostle shared honestly about being in relationships that were not healthy and having to eventually ask, “What was in me that made me stay? What was in me that made me believe the lie? What was in me that made this feel like love?”

That kind of honesty is where healing begins.

When You Know Better, But Still Stay

Toxic relationships can become complicated because there are often pieces that feel good.

Someone may give you attention.
Someone may provide money.
Someone may make you feel chosen.
Someone may say the right words.
Someone may make you feel like the prize for a moment.

But if the foundation is wrong, the relationship cannot produce what is right.

Apostle shared how she had to face the truth that what she thought was love was not love. It was painful. It was unhealthy. It was wrapped in lies, compromise, and confusion.

And this is where many people get stuck.

They know it hurts, but they stay because there is still some kind of benefit attached to it.

Maybe it is money.
Maybe it is attention.
Maybe it is companionship.
Maybe it is the fear of starting over.
Maybe it is the hope that this person will finally change.

But love that keeps wounding you without repentance, accountability, and real change is not healthy love.

Friendship Can Be Toxic Too

This conversation also made it clear that toxic relationships are not only romantic.

Friendships can be toxic too.

Apostle shared how manipulation can enter friendships and cause us to look at people differently. Sometimes the wrong voice in our ear can make us pull away from people who were actually good to us.

That is why discernment matters.

Everybody who vents to you is not telling the full truth.
Everybody who warns you about somebody is not operating from purity.
Everybody who wants your loyalty does not deserve your agreement.

Sometimes toxic people will try to recruit you into their offense. They will tell you their side in a way that makes you inherit a battle that was never yours.

And if we are not careful, we will mistreat people who never did anything wrong to us because we were manipulated by somebody else’s pain, jealousy, or control.

GOD Will Show You You

One of the most powerful parts of Apostle’s testimony was her willingness to say, “I was toxic.”

That kind of honesty is rare.

Many people can talk about what others did to them, but freedom requires us to also face what was in us.

GOD does not only show us everybody else. He shows us us.

He will show us the fear.
He will show us the people-pleasing.
He will show us the manipulation we tolerated.
He will show us the messy places.
He will show us the relationships we entertained.
He will show us where we ignored conviction.
He will show us where we called dysfunction love.

Not to condemn us, but to free us.

There is no freedom without truth.

When GOD begins to show us ourselves, it may hurt at first. But that hurt is not meant to destroy us. It is meant to deliver us.

Healing Before the Next Relationship

Apostle reminded us that we have to allow GOD to heal us before we keep entering relationships from broken places.

Because if we do not heal, we will keep attracting, accepting, or entertaining what matches our wounds.

We need healing before dating.
We need healing before marriage.
We need healing in friendships.
We need healing in family relationships.
We need healing in how we see ourselves.

Healing helps us stop confusing chaos with chemistry.

Healing helps us stop mistaking attention for love.

Healing helps us stop letting fear make decisions.

Healing helps us stop proving our worth to people who were never assigned to value us.

Healing teaches us that peace is not boring. Peace is safe.

Takeaways for Healing

Toxic behavior has roots.

People-pleasing is often fear wearing a helpful face.

Trauma bonding can feel like loyalty, but it is not always healthy.

Just because something is familiar does not mean it is from GOD.

The same spirit can show up in different people.

Friendships can be toxic too.

Manipulation can make you mishandle good people.

You cannot heal what you refuse to tell the truth about.

GOD will show you yourself so He can free you, not shame you.

Healthy relationships require healing, boundaries, honesty, and discernment. Free Resources for your healing Journey below.

Journal Prompts to Help You Process

1. What toxic patterns have I normalized because they feel familiar?
2. Where did I first learn to people-please?
3. Do I say yes out of love or out of fear?
4. Have I ever called trauma bonding loyalty?
5. What kind of people do I keep attracting, and what might that reveal?
6. Have I ever ignored red flags because I wanted to feel chosen?
7. What relationship showed me where I still needed healing?
8. Have I allowed someone else’s opinion to change how I treated another person?
9. What truth has GOD been showing me about myself?
10. What does a healthy relationship look like for me now?

Scripture and Truth Points from the Conversation

2 Timothy 1:7
GOD has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. Fear should not be the foundation of our relationships.

Romans 12:2
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Some relationship patterns change when our mind is renewed and our identity is rooted in Christ.

Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life. We have to be careful who we give access to.

John 8:32
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Truth may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary for freedom.

Psalm 147:3
GOD heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He can heal the places that caused us to accept less than His best.

Watch the Replay

If this conversation pulled on your heart, go back and watch the full replay.

Join the Conversation

Have you ever had to face toxic patterns in your own life?

Did this conversation help you see a relationship, friendship, or pattern differently?

Share your thoughts or encouragement in the comments. Your honesty may help someone else recognize what they need to heal from, walk away from, or finally surrender to GOD.

Join us every second Tuesday of the month as we create a safe space for honest conversations, healing, and transformation.

In this candid conversation with Prophet Johnnie Mae Mattison on June 6, 2026 @10:00, we talked about what happens when life takes your voice, childhood wounds follow you into adulthood, and you find yourself trying to survive instead of truly living.

This conversation was honest, layered, and powerful. It opened up the truth that many people are saved, love GOD, go to church, pray, and still have areas in their soul that need healing and deliverance.

Sometimes we know how to shout, but we do not know how to feel.

Sometimes we know how to serve, but we do not know how to rest.

Sometimes we know how to pray, but we have never learned how to speak the truth about what really happened to us.

And that is why conversations like this matter.

When Your Voice Has Been Taken

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was the honesty around losing your voice.

Not just physically, but emotionally.

There are things that can happen in childhood that teach you to be quiet. Things that make you feel like your feelings do not matter, your pain is too much, or your questions are not welcome. When a child is violated, overlooked, or left to figure life out alone, it can create deep insecurity, abandonment issues, and rejection wounds.

And when those wounds are not addressed, they do not just disappear.

They grow with you.

They show up in how you love.
They show up in how you communicate.
They show up in how you protect yourself.
They show up in how you respond when you feel unseen.

Sometimes what people call “hardheaded” is really a wounded person trying to protect themselves the only way they know how.

When a child does not have the guidance they need, the world will start teaching them. The streets will teach them. Pain will teach them. Relationships will teach them. And sometimes survival becomes the only language they know.

Becoming an Adult Before Being a Child

Another powerful truth shared was the reality of becoming an adult too early.

There are some people who never really got to be children. They had adult experiences, adult responsibilities, and adult pain long before they were emotionally ready to carry it.

When innocence is taken too soon, it can create a mindset that says, “I have to handle everything myself.”

You learn how to survive.
You learn how to take care of everybody.
You learn how to suppress your emotions.
You learn how to keep moving even when you are breaking inside.

But surviving is not the same as healing.

You can be strong and still be wounded.
You can be responsible and still be tired.
You can take care of everybody else and still not know how to care for yourself.

At some point, GOD begins to call us back to the places we skipped over. Sometimes healing means going back and allowing Him to touch the little girl or little boy who had to grow up too fast.

When Independence Becomes a Wall

We also talked about independence.

Many of us were taught to be independent. We were taught to handle it, carry it, figure it out, and not need anybody. On the outside, that can look strong. But on the inside, it can become a wall.

There is a difference between being responsible and being guarded.

There is a difference between being strong and refusing help.

There is a difference between wisdom and fear.

The Lord had to deal with the idea of independence and reveal that being independent can sometimes mean depending only on yourself. But GOD does not call us to depend on ourselves more than Him. He calls us to be strong in Him.

That is a different kind of strength.

Strength in GOD does not have to prove itself.
Strength in GOD can receive help.
Strength in GOD can be soft and still powerful.
Strength in GOD can let go of control.

Learning How to Be a Wife After Surviving Like a Man

This conversation also touched on marriage and how childhood survival can follow a person into the role of being a wife.

When a woman has had to carry responsibility too early, protect herself, take care of others, and operate out of survival, it can be hard to release control when marriage comes.

You may know you are called to be a wife, but that does not mean you automatically know how to be one.

That was such a powerful truth.

Just because you are something does not mean you have learned how to walk in it in a healthy way.

Marriage can expose what survival helped you hide. It can reveal where you do not trust. It can reveal where you do not know how to communicate. It can reveal where you are still leading from fear instead of love.

And that does not mean you are a bad person.

It means there are places that still need to be processed, healed, and surrendered to GOD.

Saved, But Still Bound

One of the strongest parts of the conversation came through the story of Lazarus.

When JESUS called Lazarus out of the grave, Lazarus came forth, but he was still wrapped in grave clothes. He was alive, but still bound.

That was a picture of what many people experience spiritually.

You can be saved and still bound.
You can be filled with the HOLY GHOST and still need deliverance.
You can love JESUS and still have wounds that need to be unwrapped.
You can be called by name and still need someone to help remove what has been covering your voice, your eyes, your hands, and your movement.

That does not take away from salvation.

It shows us that freedom is a process.

GOD can call you out, and then He can begin unwrapping everything that tried to keep death attached to your life.

When Prayer Is Necessary, But Truth Must Also Be Spoken

We talked about how prayer is powerful. Fasting is powerful. Worship is powerful.

But sometimes there are things that also need to be spoken.

Some pain has been hidden for so long that silence has become part of the bondage. Some wounds need language. Some cycles need to be named. Some generational patterns need to be confronted out loud.

The truth is not just something we read. The truth is something we must be willing to face.

There are people sitting in church who are praying, fasting, serving, and still hurting because nobody has created a safe space for them to say, “This happened to me.”

And when we do not make room for truth, people learn how to be spiritual and silent at the same time.

But JESUS did not come just so we could look delivered.

He came so we could be free.

Healing Requires Honesty

Healing requires truth.

Not just the pretty truth.
Not just the churchy truth.
Not just the truth that makes everybody comfortable.

Real truth.

The truth about abandonment.
The truth about rejection.
The truth about anger.
The truth about lust.
The truth about insecurity.
The truth about marriage struggles.
The truth about being saved but still fighting in your mind.

When truth is spoken, freedom has room to enter.

This conversation reminded us that GOD is not afraid of what happened to us. He is not intimidated by our pain. He is not shocked by our emotions. He already knows the places we have buried, hidden, and suppressed.

But healing begins when we stop pretending those places are not there. FREE Healing resources below.

Journal Prompts to Help You Process

1. Where in my life did I lose my voice?
2. What parts of my childhood did I have to grow up too fast in?
3. Have I been calling myself independent when I am really guarded?
4. What emotions have I been suppressing because I felt I had to stay strong?
5. Am I saved, but still bound in certain areas of my mind, emotions, or behavior?
6. What truth have I been afraid to speak out loud?
7. What does freedom look like for me beyond just surviving?
8. Where do I need GOD to help me feel again?
9. What role has silence played in my pain?
10. What grave clothes do I need GOD to unwrap from my life?

Scripture and Truth Points

John 11:43-44
JESUS called Lazarus out of the grave, but Lazarus still had to be loosed from what bound him. This reminds us that life and freedom are connected, but they are not always the same step.

John 8:32
“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Truth has the power to unlock places that pretending cannot touch.

Romans 12:2
Transformation requires the renewing of the mind. Some of our healing must happen in how we think, process, respond, and see ourselves.

Psalm 147:3
GOD heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He does not ignore the wound. He tends to it.

Galatians 5:1
Stand fast in the liberty where CHRIST has made you free. Freedom must be walked in, guarded, and lived out.

Takeaways for Healing

You can be saved and still need deliverance.

You can love GOD and still need healing.

Your voice matters.

Silence can protect pain, but truth helps break it.

Independence can become a wall when it is rooted in fear.

Being strong in GOD is not the same as carrying everything alone.

Marriage exposes what survival hid.

Healing is not weakness. It is obedience.

Freedom is not just coming out of the grave. Freedom is letting GOD remove the grave clothes.

Watch the Replay

If this conversation spoke to your heart, go back and watch the replay.

Facebook Replay

Share Your Thoughts

What part of this conversation helped you see yourself more clearly?

Have you ever felt saved, but still bound in certain areas?

Share your thoughts or encouragement in the comments. Your honesty may help someone else find the courage to tell the truth, begin healing, and walk into freedom.

Join us every second Tuesday of the month as we create a safe space for honest conversations, healing, and transformation.

On April 14, 2026, at 8:00 PM, we had the honor and privilege of sitting down with Min. Donje and Min. Benquane McGee for a candid conversation titled, “Not Easily Broken When It’s Ordained by GOD.”

This conversation was not surface-level. It was not polished church talk. It was real. It was honest. It was layered with pain, grief, mistakes, accountability, healing, marriage, restoration, and the power of God to rebuild what life tried to break.

Their testimony reminded us that some stories do not look like restoration while they are happening. Sometimes it looks like rejection. Sometimes it looks like survival. Sometimes it looks like addiction, running, silence, anger, grief, infidelity, broken communication, and two people who love each other but do not yet know how to love each other well.

But when God is still in the story, broken does not have to mean finished.

Min. Donje shared pieces of her journey with deep honesty. She spoke about childhood wounds, feeling rejected, searching for love, and trying to survive without a firm foundation of identity. She talked about places in her life where pain led her into decisions and environments that could not heal her, only numb her for a moment. Her story showed how a person can know of God, but still be searching for who they are, where they belong, and why they are valuable.

Min. Benquane also opened up about his own wounds. He spoke about childhood trauma, father wounds, addiction, and the process of becoming the man God called him to be. One of the strongest parts of his testimony was the understanding that the little boy inside of him had to be healed so the grown man could live. That statement alone can help so many men and women understand that age does not automatically equal healing. Sometimes we grow up physically while still reacting from places that were wounded years ago.

Together, they shared how marriage exposed what had not been healed. They faced grief, loss, pressure, communication issues, blame, and moments where they were both hurting but did not know how to properly reach for help. They talked about losing a child, losing stability, and trying to carry weight that was too heavy for a young marriage to carry without healing, counsel, and truth.

One major truth from their story is this: love alone is not enough if both people are still bleeding from places they refuse to face.

You can love someone and still hurt them.
You can be married and still be emotionally disconnected.
You can provide and still not know how to be present.
You can stay in the same house and still not deal with the root.

That is what made this conversation powerful. They did not just talk about what happened. They talked about what had to be healed.

There came a point where they had to do the hard work separately. Therapy, prayer, accountability, spiritual leadership, self-examination, and quiet healing all played a part. Their restoration was not rushed. It was not built on pretending nothing happened. It came through revisiting dark places, having difficult conversations, and allowing God to work on both hearts.

Their story also reminded us that reconciliation is not just two people coming back together. True reconciliation requires truth. It requires maturity. It requires changed behavior. It requires both people to be willing to say, “I am not the same person I was before, and I cannot bring the old version of me into this new place.”

One of the most beautiful parts of their testimony was when they talked about rebuilding friendship while co-parenting. Healing made room for friendship. Friendship made room for honest conversation. Honest conversation made room for God to reveal that the story was not over.

Now they call this new chapter McGee 2.0 — not because everything is perfect, but because it is different. It is healthier. It is more honest. It is covered with more wisdom. They are learning communication, love language, emotional presence, and what it means to choose each other from a healed place instead of a wounded one.

This is not a message telling anyone to return to a harmful place without wisdom, safety, repentance, accountability, and healing. Restoration without healing is not restoration; it is just another cycle. But when God truly does the work in both people, when both people surrender, grow, and mature, He can rebuild something stronger than what was broken.

Their testimony reminds us that what is ordained by God will still require obedience, healing, humility, and truth. Being ordained does not mean there will be no warfare. It means the warfare does not get the final say.

Journal Prompts to Help You Process the Conversation

1. What part of this testimony challenged me the most?
2. Are there any childhood wounds still influencing how I love, communicate, or respond to pain?
3. Have I ever mistaken survival for healing? What did that look like in my life?
4. What roots have I been avoiding because it feels easier to manage the symptoms?
5. Do I know how to receive love in a healthy way, or do I push it away because of past hurt?
6. Download FREE resources to start your healing journey!

Scripture and Truth Points from Their Story

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us that a threefold cord is not quickly broken. A relationship covered by God, truth, and healing has a different kind of strength.

Psalm 147:3 says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Healing is not just about moving on. It is about allowing God to touch the place that still hurts.

Romans 12:2 teaches us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Many battles in relationships are not just about what happened today, but about old thoughts, old wounds, and old patterns that need to be renewed.

Genesis 50:20 reminds us that what the enemy meant for evil, God can turn for good. Their story is proof that God can use broken places as a testimony of His power.

Isaiah 61:3 speaks of beauty for ashes. God does not ignore the ashes. He takes what burned, what broke, and what looked ruined, and He brings beauty out of it.

Takeaways for Healing

Healing requires honesty. You cannot heal what you keep covering.

Childhood trauma does not stay in childhood. If it is not healed, it can show up in marriage, parenting, communication, anger, fear, and emotional distance.

Love needs maturity. Love needs communication. Love needs accountability. Love needs God.

Grief can change a relationship if both people do not know how to process it together.

Silence may protect the image, but it can destroy intimacy.

Therapy, prayer, wise counsel, and spiritual covering are not signs of weakness. They are tools for healing.

Restoration is possible, but it must be built on truth, not pretending.

God can restore, but both people still have to do the work.

Watch the Replay

If this conversation pulled on your heart, I encourage you to go back and watch the full replay.

Watch Replay:

Join the Conversation

After you watch, come back to the blog and share your thoughts in the comments.

What part of their testimony spoke to you?
What truth did you hear that challenged you?
What area of your life do you believe God is healing right now?

Your story may be different, but healing is still possible. Restoration is still possible. Freedom is still possible.

Because when God is not finished, broken does not get the final word.

Join us every second Tuesday of the month as we create a safe space for honest conversations, healing, and transformation.

On February 10, 2026 @ 8:00 PM, we had the honor and privilege of sitting down with Minister Joy Richey for a deeply candid conversation about trauma responses, multiple grief experiences, and the unsolved murder of her son.

Her story was tender, honest, and filled with the kind of truth that many people carry silently but rarely speak aloud. Minister Joy reminded us that grief is not always neat, healing is not always immediate, and even faithful people can wrestle deeply with pain.

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🌿 A Childhood Rooted in Faith and Family

Minister Joy shared that she was born in Atlanta, Georgia, and was the only girl in her family, surrounded by protective brothers who cared deeply for her.

She described her family as very close-knit, deeply rooted in church life, and committed to faith. Church was not just a weekly event — it was a way of life.

She laughed as she explained that growing up, they were in church constantly:

“Monday through Monday — with no days off.”

As a young girl and teenager, she served faithfully and became a praise and worship leader. Because of her family’s strong church involvement, she often missed activities other teenagers enjoyed, such as basketball games and social events.

She described herself as very naive to many things in life because of how sheltered she was raised.

Yet even in that structure, she carried the heart of a servant.

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💭 When Strictness Led to Rebellion

Minister Joy also spoke honestly about a season when strictness at home became difficult for her to manage.

As a young woman, she ran away from home because her mother’s rules felt overwhelming. During that time, she stayed with other young women and entered a season she described as wild living.

Even while she was away, she said something important:

Her mother never stopped loving her.

That truth remained with her — love stayed present, even when choices were difficult.

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🌸 Learning to Stop Running From Her Past

Years later, some of the same women she once lived with would continue to bring up her past whenever they saw her.

They would say things like:

• “I remember when you used to do this…”
• “I remember when you used to do that…”

Their words often felt like attempts to shame her for decisions she had already grown beyond.

For a long time, she admitted that seeing them made her uncomfortable enough that she would avoid them altogether.

But one day, something changed.

She finally stood in confidence and responded:

“Yes, I did it — and I’m not ashamed anymore.”

That moment of honesty and self-acceptance ended the insults.

Her story reminds us that when we stop hiding from our past, it often loses its power to wound us.

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🕊️ A Family Marked by Deep Loss

Minister Joy shared the heartbreaking reality of repeated grief.

There were originally ten members in her immediate close-knit family — including her parents and siblings.

Today, only three remain.

She experienced loss after loss:

• Family members passing
• The death of loved ones
• Her mother and father dying only six months apart

She described how deeply those losses affected her, but nothing prepared her for what came next.

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💔 The Unsolved Murder of Her Son

One of the most painful parts of the conversation came when Minister Joy spoke about her son, who was murdered at the age of 28 years old.

His death remains unsolved.

She described that moment with heartbreaking honesty:

“I could not take one more thing.”

After losing so many family members already, the death of her son felt unbearable.

She shared that she became angry with God — deeply angry.

Not because she stopped believing He existed, but because she could not understand why God did not spare her son’s life.

She openly admitted:

• She felt she had nothing left to give
• She would have traded her life for his
• She believed he had so much life ahead of him
• She struggled deeply with disappointment in God

She said one of the most devastating experiences a parent can face is:

Burying your child.

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🌑 Walking Through a Dark Season

Minister Joy did not hide the darkness she entered after her son’s death.

She shared that grief led her down a painful road:

• She smoked
• She drank
• She walked away from God

Not because she no longer knew Him, but because she felt shattered.

She described feeling:

• Heartbroken
• Disappointed
• Emotionally exhausted
• Spiritually disconnected

In her own words, it felt as though:

Jesus Himself had failed her.

That kind of honesty matters because many grieving people silently wrestle with those same thoughts but are afraid to say them aloud.

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🧠 Trauma Responses Few People Talk About

Minister Joy also explained how trauma affected her mind in practical ways.

One trauma response she noticed was:

• Difficulty completing thoughts
• Difficulty finishing tasks she once handled easily
• Mental fog during grief

This is something many grieving people experience but often do not understand.

Grief does not only affect emotions — it affects concentration, memory, energy, and daily functioning.

She emphasized something many people need to hear:

Take time to grieve properly.

Healing cannot be rushed.

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🌼 What Her Story Teaches Us About Healing

Minister Joy’s testimony reminds us:

• Grief can shake faith, but it does not cancel faith
• Anger with God does not mean abandonment by God
• Trauma affects the body, mind, and spirit
• Healing often begins when we stop pretending we are okay
• The past loses power when we stop hiding from it
• Grief deserves time, honesty, and compassion

Even in seasons when God feels distant, He is still near to the brokenhearted.

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✍🏽 Journal Prompts to Help You Process

Take quiet time and reflect:

• Have I given myself permission to grieve honestly?
• Is there pain in my life I have tried to hide instead of process?
• Have I blamed myself, God, or others for losses I still carry?
• What part of my past still makes me uncomfortable when mentioned?
• What does healing look like for me right now?

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📖 Scripture & Truth Points From Minister Joy’s Story

Book of Psalms Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Book of Ecclesiastes Ecclesiastes 3:4
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

Book of Matthew Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Book of Isaiah Isaiah 61:3
“To give them beauty for ashes…”

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🌷 Takeaways for Healing

• Stop apologizing for grieving deeply
• Healing does not mean forgetting
• Trauma responses are real and deserve compassion
• You can still return to God after anger, disappointment, and distance
• Your story still has purpose, even after devastating loss

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🎥 Watch the Replay

Free Resources jump start healing by writing through It.

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💬 Share Your Thoughts

What part of Minister Joy’s story touched your heart?

If you have walked through grief, trauma, or loss, your words may help someone else feel less alone.

Please leave your thoughts, reflections, or encouragement in the comments.

Join us every second Tuesday of the month. In 2026, we will be back full force.

On November 11, 2025, @ 8:00 PM, we were privliged and honored to have an candid, eye-opening conversation with Brandie Baker about her journey through fear, spiritual deception, witchcraft, and the supernatural experiences that shaped her early years.

🌿 A Childhood Full of Fear, Sensitivity, and No Guidance

Brandie shared that even as a young child, she saw things, felt things, and sensed spiritual presence in ways she couldn’t explain.
She was terrified at night and felt constantly watched — but she had no language for it. The churches she grew up in never talked about spiritual gifts, discernment, or the demonic realm.

She said:

“I always knew I wasn’t alone in that room. I could feel it.”

Her mother didn’t understand, and simply told her, “Ain’t nothing in that room. Go to bed.”
But her older brother believed her. He would let her get in his bed at night so she could feel safe.

From a young age, her spiritual sensitivity went unrecognized and unsupported — making her a target for confusion.

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When the Church Is Silent, the World Becomes the Teacher

Because she got no spiritual guidance, Brandie found explanations in the only place that seemed to understand what she felt:
witchcraft movies, fantasy shows, and supernatural entertainment.

Films like Hocus Pocus and The Craft made her feel “seen,” because they mirrored the unusual spiritual experiences she had as a child.

She explained:

“Nobody taught me about gifts. The only place that explained what I felt was witchcraft shows.”

And we talked about how dangerous that is —
When the church does not teach spiritual truth, the enemy gladly fills in the gaps.

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“Innocent Games” That Became Open Doors

As a teenager, Brandie began experimenting with what looked like harmless fun:

• “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”
• Making a homemade ouija board
• Following spells in a book
• Trying to open “doors” to other realms
• Burning sage and candles
• Curiosity about supernatural abilities

But little by little, these “games” became spiritual portals.

Her dreams became dark.
Her home atmosphere changed.
Her behavior shifted.
Fear increased.

She didn’t recognize it then, but these things opened real spiritual doors.

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The Night Darkness Revealed Itself

One night changed everything.

She was using the ouija board with an older man who was leading the session.
As the board moved back and forth between the sun and the moon, she watched his face transform right in front of her eyes.

Not slightly — dramatically.

That moment scared her so deeply that she stopped witchcraft for a time.

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🔄 Returning to Old Connections and Old Doors

Years later, after having her daughter, she reconnected with an old friend.
One night, she heard her name whispered in the dark. Out of fear, she invited her friend to “smudge” the house, reopening spiritual doors she thought were closed.

Later that night, the group decided to have a seance.

During the ritual:

• Her eyes began twitching
• She felt something trying to enter her body
• The room shifted
• She became overwhelmed with fear

She pulled her hands away — leaving the portal open.

After that:

• A heavy cigar smell filled the room
• Perfume scents followed
• They heard footsteps and whispering
• A man’s eyes turned completely white
• A fog and sewage smell surrounded her

She knew she had to leave immediately.

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Spiritual Presence That Followed Her Home

Driving home, she felt a presence breathing down her neck the entire way.
As a child, she used to sing “Jesus Loves Me” when she was afraid —
so she sang it again as a grown woman, driving through her fear.

When she got home, she felt the presence hovering over her bed.
And then something happened that confirmed she wasn’t imagining it:

Her daughter’s father woke up out of nowhere and said:

“It feels like somebody’s in here with us.”

Then fell back asleep.

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The Spirit That Targeted Her Daughter

Brandie knew in that moment:

“That thing is going to try to attach itself to my daughter.”

And it did.

Her daughter grew up tormented:

• Too afraid to take a bath alone
• Constantly feeling watched
• Night terrors
• Dreams of men with bones sticking out of their heads
• Fear of the dark
• Not wanting to sleep alone

Brandie said watching her daughter suffer broke her, because she realized:

“I brought that home. I opened those doors. My baby paid for what I did.”

She tried everything she knew:

• A pastor blessing the home
• A dream catcher (not knowing it was wrong)
• Anything to help her child feel safe

But nothing worked because the spiritual doors were still open.

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Church Hurt and Pastors Who Didn’t Understand

Brandie shared the pain of reaching out to pastors for help — only to be dismissed.

She said:

“How you going to preach the Bible and then tell me demons aren’t real?”

The host she: “She has witnessed leaders preaching “pretty messages” but running when real spiritual warfare showed up.”

It wasn’t until she found a church that taught truth and spiritual warfare that she finally began understanding what she had been battling her whole life.

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🔥 Still in Witchcraft and Didn’t Know It

Even after she began seeking Jesus, Brandie still unintentionally practiced New Age spirituality:

• Burning sage
• Using crystals
• Mixing “Jesus talk” with rituals
• Lighting intention candles
• Believing in chakras and the third eye

She thought it was harmless because:

“They burned incense in the Bible, right?”

But one Sunday, the apostle stopped mid-sermon and said:

“If you’re burning sage, you’re in witchcraft.”

It hit her spirit deeply. She repented, threw everything away, and fully renounced every door she had opened.

She learned:

• Burning sage doesn’t cast spirits out
• New Age practices are not “harmless spirituality”
• Blending Jesus with crystals, chakras, third eyes, or moon rituals is deception
• Some people are undercover witches calling themselves Christians

And she learned:

“The devil doesn’t need permission if you already gave him legal access.”

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🧠 Torment, Addiction, and False Prophets

Brandie shared how witches and warlocks often recognized her spiritual sensitivity and targeted her — even when she was trying to come to Christ.

Some acted like prophets, speaking accurate things about her life, making her think it was God.

She didn’t yet understand:

• Familiar spirits know your information
• Knowledge does not equal prophecy
• Not everyone saying “Jesus” is from God

She said:

“Just because someone knows something doesn’t mean God told them.”

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🚫 Why Sage, Crystals, Candles, and “Good Energy” Are Not of God

Brandie explained that many people think these tools “bless their life,” but:

• The devil can bless you too
• Spiritual gifts can be counterfeited
• New Age practices open spiritual doors
• “Christian witches” are blending truth with lies
• The enemy targets your children through your practices

She said:

“You might feel fine. But watch your kids. That’s who gets hit first.”

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✍🏽 Journal Prompts for Reflection

• Have I opened spiritual doors without meaning to?
• Are there objects or practices in my home that may be connected to witchcraft or New Age beliefs?
• What patterns in my children or family might be spiritual, not emotional?
• How can I fully renounce and close every door in Jesus’ name?
• What does God want me to learn from Brandie’s testimony?

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📖 Scripture & Truth Points

• “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” — Hosea 4:6
• “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness…” — Ephesians 5:11
• “For God has not given us a spirit of fear…” — 2 Timothy 1:7
• “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” — John 8:36
• “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” — James 4:7

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🌼 Takeaways for Healing

• Spiritual sensitivity is not strange — it’s often a calling.
• Curiosity can be a trap; discernment is crucial.
• New Age spirituality is not harmless — it is witchcraft in disguise.
• Our choices impact our children spiritually.
• Deliverance is real and available through Jesus alone.
• Renouncing, removing, and repenting break patterns.
• Jesus restores what darkness tried to steal.

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🎧 Watch the Full Replay
You can watch the full conversation with Brandie Baker.

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💬 Share Your Thoughts
How did Brandie’s story speak to your heart?
What did it open your eyes to?
Leave a comment — your words may help someone else find freedom and healing.